Monday, February 1, 2010

The struggle that is life.

Its been hard to write when life mostly just sucks.  Still no luck on the job front.  I did get an extension on my unemployment, which is good.  But its really not that much money, and we're barely getting by.  It has been pretty depressing.  I've always been a fairly upbeat person, and a hopeful optimist while still being a sarcastic cynic.  So dealing with being depressed while also being quite broke is difficult.  Its hard to find energy, or enthusiasm for writing, or even for pursuing magic.

My last friend in my physical location (Wyoming) also recently moved away.  He's really only a few hours away, but without a reliable car, and without the money to travel, we don't see each other.  And even then, its not the same, I can't call anyone now to go see a movie with me, or just grab a cheap hamburger.  So that has added to the depression, and it doesn't seem like anything worth writing about, and doesn't really fit into what my blog is about.  I'm trying to pull myself out of this funk, but it is something that's very hard to do by myself.

I have been trying to think of other creative ideas to help make some money, but its also hard to be creative when you're depressed.  I've been toying with the idea of doing tarot reading for people for a small fee, but I'm not sure how I'd start doing that with no ability to do something like open a shop.  Also I'm not really out of the closet per say with religion and witchcraft in my every day life.  That's something that still scares me quite a bit.  I know that people can be very judgmental.  We may no longer burn people at the stake openly, but I know that happens internally, and in whispers.  There are some open minded and accepting people also, but I have known people that have had family members basically disowned because one member chose a different "flavour" of religion then they were.  I still haven't talked to my family (dad, sister, etc) about it.  I can talk to my wife about it a little, and while she's not condemning she doesn't understand what I'm looking for or why.  She is still of the mindset that there is only one God for us (this world).

I let this sit for a few days, and I think since I can't afford anti-depressants, I'm setting a goal to write a little bit every day.  I won't be posting every day, since it may take a few days of writing to equal something worth posting, but I think it will help.  At the very least its an outlet, and somewhat motivating.

See you soon.



Steve Julian said...

Yep, life can sure seem to suck sometimes. I sincerely hope you get offers and good offers. I know what you feel.

Rainysoul said...

Thanks Steve. :)

julochka said...

these are depressing times indeed...and it hard to pull oneself out of a funk by oneself. that's the beauty of blogging, in my view...a whole community to be part of when your real community is distant or falling apart.

i hope things turn a little more sunny for you soon.

thanks for stopping by to visit me. it's how i find new blogs these days.

Rainysoul said...

Yeah, I'm still a little nervous about the community at large. More that I'm still struggling with that I feel "bad" for not following my "christian teachings" any longer...

You're welcome for the visit. Been a follower for awhile, just haven't gotten around much recently. :)